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July 2010 - I was your average working mother. I worked in a corporate office full time, came home every evening to my other full time role as a wife and mother. I wasn’t getting enough exercise (the gym had never really been my thing) and I was always focused on everyone else but me. I was mid-‘30s, tired of the monotony that had become my life and frankly……excruciatingly bored!

The first time I heard about roller derby was when my six-year-old came home from a derby bout that his grandparents had taken him to. He walked in and said, “Mum, I went to watch the roller derby and it was awesome and you should do it.” Things kind of went from there; I rocked up to a Freshmeat and Greet, met some awesome women and started skating.

The next six months or so flew by in a whirlwind. As well as developing some amazing friendships with a bunch of beautiful, strong women, I learned to do a whole lot of cool shit on wheels that I never thought I would ever do. I finished Freshmeat, graduated into the RCRD League and was drafted to a team. Team training began and I learned more, got stronger and tougher, both physically and mentally…Heidi Contagious had arrived. It was also around this time that I lost my mum. Derby and the unquestionable support from my derby girls played a big part in getting in me through it...

A wee while ago a fellow freshie told me that this year roller derby was going to be her boyfriend. At the time I thought nothing of it, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense to me. I guess I’ll admit I’m a single girl, and I’m in my 30’s, so you could say there is a gap. (I wouldn’t say there was, but some people might). In some ways I have filled that so called gap with roller derby, and it’s interesting, because on reflection my relationship with derby can pretty much be compared to my relationships with men.

When I first came across derby I was pretty smitten. Couldn’t stop thinking about it! Every minute of the day all I could think about was how much I loved derby, and everyone had to know it, all of it. I loved the sport aspect of it, the fashion side of it, the sisterhood, the gear; you name it, I loved it. It was a kind of honeymoon phase, all I could think about was getting involved in my nearest league, passing freshmeat and becoming a skater. I practised skating all the time, had so many new things to learn. I spent all of my savings on gear. I read blog after blog on how to get better. I met lots of fantastic women who were also having an affair with derby. I was absolutely and utterly in love.

After the name game, the other identifier of all derby girls is their number. Displayed on the helmet and upper arms, your number identifies you to the refs and is what you get called on for penalties and whatnot. This saves them from yelling out something like “Groovy Hot Lovey-Cakes*! Minor, elbows!” while doing all their fancy hand signals.

The theatrical side of derby gives you a chance to explore – to push your personality and/or extend your wardrobe.

In derby there isn’t an official dress code but I’ve observed some unwritten rules like, black is good (but hell when is it not?), Goth works, frilly knickers absolutely, bright coloured short skirts, fishnets (a wardrobe staple), leopard print (a winning choice– SMASH MALICE), tight shorts, knee high socks with optional print – tartan, skulls, stripes and accessories – earrings, necklaces, belts.

So, Evilicious Diva (or Evil as she's known more widely) may have touched on this not long ago...but as the League secretary, I am the lady who registers all our names and numbers. It's the question all the new Freshmeat or Lambs will hear from me. "Have you come up with your name yet?"

Along with giving them the website where they'll find the international derby name register and advising that they check their name for uniqueness, the next best thing is to start a list of ideas or inspirations.

In derby you can get away with a lot of things that you can’t get away with in real life:

I can tell someone to give me their panties NOW aka their helmet cover

I can skate into someone full speed and bash them with my shoulder (legal move as long as you don’t hit them in the back)

I can wear fishnets, frills and/or lipstick while I play sport (hint- lipstick smudges on your mouthguard)

I’m looking at the way we can overcome the mental barriers that stop us from skating. This entry will look at the many fine Excuses one can formulate.

It’s cold outside. It’s raining. It’s miserable. Why would anyone want to leave the house in this weather? I’m leading my heater around my flat like a puppy dog counting down the minutes until I should be at training. Notice the wording...until I should be at training.

My friends are having dinner out and I know the restaurant is warm...which means I wouldn’t have to change into an outfit that’s barely there and skate around in a cold basketball hall. In fact, I wouldn’t have to change at all, but I would have to go outside. And then it occurs to me, that [insert favourite TV show] is on tonight! Crap, I can’t miss that! And come to think of it, it’s the only night I can see my girlfriend/boyfriend [pick your preference] this week! Plus my [insert reoccurring injury] is acting up again so I probably shouldn’t be skating anyway because I don’t want to make it worse.

When life is good play derby, when life is hard play derby.
Easy enough to say - but it’s all about keeping the drive and the motivation to do it!

Roller derby takes a lot of time and commitment, which I didn’t realise when I first got involved in March of 2008. There are trainings and meetings to attend, not to mention social gatherings and fundraising events. And when it gets close to bout time... kiss goodbye any friends or family who are not involved with the league!

You’re not a fully fledged derby girl until you have a derby name and for me this has been a long time coming.

It’s been seven months, and over that time I’ve come up with some cool original names only to find out that someone had snapped that name up before me. I’ve tried out con vicious, concusser, and my personal favorite Evel Conevil, which I was gutted to find out was to similar to another derby girl in NZ. I had it all planned out with evel con evil and was going to have 151 as my number as that was the distance in feet that the crazy stunt devil made it across the fountains in front of Caesar's Palace before plummeting down and nearly killing himself. I think the original evel probably spent more time breaking bones then he did mending them, he was one amazing stunt man.

I’m a newbie to derby – Fresh Meat as we are officially called. Which conjures up the image of crafty gnarly lions awaiting their next meal of juicy steak! I guess that’s an incentive to join the pride or technically ‘pack’ in derby. Yes Siree learning derby is no picnic – first there’s the staying upright on your skates (tricky), then there’s the rules of the game (challenging), and taking the hits (breathtaking) but nothing is more baffling than the jargon – blockers, pivots, bout, jam, jammer panty (more on that later) and the very intriguing term ‘derby wife’.